when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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