I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
