I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
