i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
