May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
