the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
