this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
