my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
