I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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