I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
