9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
