So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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