We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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