quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
