this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We are all done wearing pants today
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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