What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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