When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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