Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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