the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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