How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
