Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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