She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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