can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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