belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
