I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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