even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
