just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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