Having a random hookup so left but love u
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
