In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
