The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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