grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
