I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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