real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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