let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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