she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
