I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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