positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
