chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
