hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
