i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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