So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
