You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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