I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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