um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
