I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
