He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
