I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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