Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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