I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
