Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the liver wants what the liver wants
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
