There is no way he is gay with that hair.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
