you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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