i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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