no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Four minutes until I can fart!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
